I love phone calls in the middle of the night.
You might think this is weird or that I am being scarcastic, but I really do enjoy getting phone calls (both sober and drunk) after 1 a.m.
There is something about the way the person who is calling cannot wait until morning that makes its urgeny 100 percent more urget. The headline, if one could be written for a late night phone call would be in the 200 pt. type that screams something like "WAR!" or "VICTORY"
Of course the really good phone calls are always middle of the week, right at 2 a.m. or later. These are the real people who live lives that do not conform to the 9 to 5, drink your lunch crowd. No, these are the people who live life at all hours.
These are not some run-of-the-mill How's-your-mother chat. Fuck no, this is a Get the hell out of bed and listen to my story, thought, concern, query or drunk adventure from the night.
No sir, my friends do not waste time or wait until morning with news so great as, "I jsut out drank my light weight frind at a gay bar and now we are going swimming!"
That, sirs, is something you stop the mother-f-ing presses and you call Me in the middle of the night. We run the correct story, no matter how late police find some investment bankers shot up in their car in Williamsburg.
I have tried calling people in the middle of the night with such news only to be reminded that it is 3:14 a.m. by someone who is grumpy or horse-voiced. Or, worse yet, routed to voice mail. By god what has happened to my firends who were so willing to take my middle of the night phone calls and now seem to be pre-occupied with "sleep"?
I have not had a good nights sleep (that was not induced by alcohol) since my freshman year of high school - why are you people?
Well, we are fast approaching the 2 a.m. hour. I think it is time I give one of you bastards a wake up call to inform you that I have jsut updated this vile blog.