Monday, October 16, 2006

You will want to sit down for this.

Are you sitting?

Becasue what I am about to tell you flies in the face of everything that I have learned in my few fragile and woeful years on this rock.

What I am about to say will shatter any exposed reality that bobbs along this sea of lae like a jagged ice berg waitning, hoping, praying or te next ship to silently slide by o take it down into the murky depths of truth.

Oh sweet jesus, merely typing this makes me want to tear my hair out beat myself to death with my shoe.

I joined a gym.

Not jsut some backwater shed with a few tredmills and weights. No, I joined a really swanky place with pulsing loud music and neon bright lithgs shouting things like "LIVE STRONG" and "BE HEALTHY"

The employees wear matching track suits and have clean cut hair with noy piercings. As soon as I walked in - still wearing my dress clothes from work.

I was completly out of place with everyone wearing their wok out accessories and me in khakies and curdory jacket.

I was well dresed for teh financial raping I was about to endure.

At least the she was gentle. She smiled teh entire time she told me it was going to cost 30 bucks a month to join, but for only a little bit more I could get a personal trainer...

"I would do this ifyou really want to get into shape..." she would say smiling clearly not ever having to experience such a thing as strech marks.

I have strechmakrs - the last person who i saw with strech marks like this was a methed out stripper just south of Wichita. I refuse to become that.

I was marked a sucker from the momentt I walked in. So i somehow got signed up for not only a personal trainer, months worth of shakes, nutient bars and vitiamins but also the use of the racquette ball courts.

I don't fucking play recquet ball..i probaly never will.

My goal though - lose 60 lbs.

Was this vain of me. Probalby in some sence. But i hope the 600 buck i droped tonight will motivate me to make some damned use of it.

Otherwise, i am jsut fat, retarded and now broke.

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