To: Derilicts and Drunkards
From: Ministry of Gonzo - Kansas City Bureau
Re: Snow Editor
There are few events in life that will casue total strangers to crowd around a televison set for hours on end.
Today, the newsroom came to a halt and we observed a moment of internal silence only shortly before being barked into action by our fearless leaders willing to jump head first in to this disaster.
We were agile, nimble and ready to strike back at this vile happenstance that befouled Kansas City this day.
It is snowing. This is our 9/11.
It was the perfect storm that took our city violently and left us walking funny for the rest of the day. Rain - to sleet- to snow and then nothing but 10 degrees the rest of the day.
In its pure brilliance and quick thinking, the higher lords here designed a team known as The Snow Patrol to cover the impending death and destruction that is inherent in a snow story
Not only was their organizatioanl prowess on dispaly, but so was the publisher's ability to lable the gay troupe of reporters, editors and copy deskies after an Irish Punk band that has tried to hard to sound like John Mayer or the next Sister Hazle.
There is only room for one vaugly-homosexual frat band in my CD changer and that spot is taken by U2.
But this was not about good music, this was about the music being played by the reporters who had to talk to people in the rain - which was no one - and report on the car crashes in the area - which was everyone.
Leading The Snow Patrol was one man who was dubbed the The Snow Writer who re-wrote all the graphs and vignettes from the Snow Patrol and sent them to the Snow Editor which then went directly to the Snow Desk. From there it was laid out by the Snow Paginator for our special section on the snow titled, SNOW KILLS 45: Is this our Columbine?
I wish I was making this up.
Be vigilant, be aware, be ready to strike at a moment's notice. With the two terrorist factions, Hydrogen and Oxygen, coming together in an icy rage, we areall doomed.
Doomed to have my story pushed off the front page becasue some 3-year-old whore was doing snow angles in her front yard.
Fear not, comrades, we will get through this. We will prevail.
Do not cut and run!