There really is no other way to put it.
The great state of Oklahoma has officially landed on my shit list.
I had heard other people talk about the unholy crap-tastic journey through the state as something that is comparable only to having teeth pulled.
But I was going to give it a chance. I was not going to prejudge a state that had given way to a musical that everyone seems to know. There is still a little cowboy lore left in this place right?
Nope.
Driving down I-44, I found myself being arrested for not having correct change for the toll road - which no body told me about. You really have no choice when driving down this stretch of highway. There are no warning signs until it is too late.
And unlike our more "progressive" states such as Kansas and Illinois, they do not accept credit cards at the toll booths.
"You're going to have to pull over right now while I call highway patrol," the tool booth bitch told me. "We are going to have to treat this as a drive off. If you're lucky maybe they will let you get money before arresting you."
I was driving a minivan and looked about as middle-aged-father as possible. I was not some punk looking for a free ride on this shit hole highway. But this did not seem to phase the woman one bit.
Fuck no.
The highway patrolman pulled up behind me and it almost seemed like he expected me to jumping out of the car with guns blazing.
"So you tried to pull out without paying, huh?"
"No, why would I be here waiting for you if I was pulling out without paying?"
"Get out of the car," he said, my humor was lost on this local yokel.
After the conversation finally wound down from the usual 20 questions from this man of the law, he conceded that he might have been a little boorish and that I was being a bit of an ass.
He finally asked if I had a checkbook on me. Well, yes, I do.
So, I wrote a check for $3.50 to the state of Oklahoma. I was tempted to to write Sexual Favors in the memo section, but I was already on thin ice with this pig and I did not need to get my head busted open here on the Oklahoma/Missouri border.
"Wait here, I'll get you a receipt," he said with all the authority of a bell hop at a shit hole Best Western. As he loped across the interstate to the toll booth woman to get my "Thanks for Visiting sticker"
Ass.
The rest of the trip really was not any better. The city of Tulsa is an absolute shit tank with no redeeming qualities. It was kind of neat to see Oral Roberts, but the varnish on this god-fearing school has long been lost and the entire campus just looks out of place.
Imagine, I said all week to my co-workers, if Walt Disney had build a university and modeled it off Space Mountain or his "World of Tomorrow" exhibit in Florida. The kitschy 50s designs that were supposed to look futuristic.
Somehow, though, the buildings already looked dated and old - not to mention faded to a piss yellow from the unforgiving sun of Oklahoma.
I was glad to get out of there. Not only because my brother's team lost in the final round of the tourney, but because the entire time I was in this town there was an uneasiness.
Usually I can go to a town and feel uncomfortable at first, but then can ease into a rhythm, a flow. some kind of swagger that makes you feel like you have been there forever.
But you never got that. This town, it seems, is merely a horribly cobbled together conglomeration of suburbs that happen to all be in the same area.
It was not a city, it a mashing of everything that is wrong with suburan sprawl only back dated by about a decade.
Not even the "authentic" Mexican restaurant we were steered to by our front desk clerk — "oh yeah, its real authentic, they barely speak English there" — could redeem this city.
I'm never going back.
Fuck you, Oklahoma.
25 comments:
At least you admit that you had been warned. But you're not cool until you've been pulled over by a state trooper in Oklahoma.
Having been stuck here in Tulsa by a series of unfortunate events, I have been saying how badly Oklahoma sucked. I depise the summers. The cock roaches are growing in numbers and soon will carry us away.. The majority are morons, interbred from brother's and sister and I have never seen so many nose pickers in all my life.
I am working my way out of here and will never come back.
I live in the shit hole we all call Oklahoma. I'm 42 born and raised here. Lots of people think that the OTA (Oklahoma Turnpike Authority) is run by the state, but I assure you, it is not. I have never figured out how in the hell the Oklahoma Highway Patrol write tickets on them. I swear, there is no such thing as a good cop in this state. Oklahoma IS as bad as it gets, on everything. I am thinking seriously about moving. I know it would be the best thing I ever done.
You're an idiot. Who drives across states where if you can read a map it shows there are toll roads.
So you blame Oklahoma that you're too stupid to have about $4.
I have lived in Oklahoma since 1993 but recently left the OKC area (Mustang/SW OKC) to pursue a 4-year degree in Weatherford at SW Okla. St. What a nightmare this state has been. I was bullied. I had humiliating (to say the least) pranks pulled on me in high school. 99 percent of the state of Oklahoma are a bunch of fake Christians (no bull). I feel like I am the only real Christian between the ages of 15 and 24 in the state. The highest percentage per 1000 residents of rednecks in any US state (even more than Dixie, I think). My high school, Mustang HS in Mustang, has been the pits of American education for five years.
I am sorry as an "Okie in name only" you had to go through that in Tulsa. Like you, I will leave this state in 2011 (after graduation from college with a degree in math); also like you, I will never come back to Choklahoma. Stupid state.
Oh, my God. What drama queens.
While I agree that Oklahoma is not the greatness of, say, a Montana, Kentucky or an Alabama, it isn't nearly the Krakow you make it out to be.
I'm originally an Okie, moved abroad for ten years to see the world and, for some bizarre reason, returned to reconnect with Okie-ville. Not the best move but not the worst either. My only complaints are the lack of diversity (whites have no interest in minority cultures here) and conservative views...but otherwise good people.
I, personally, thought Tulsa was a nice city. A pretty skyline, historical district, beautiful homes......pass through a Waco, Little Rock, Omaha or Wichita and get back with us later.
Hey Im learning that the Oklahoma Highway Patrol and Oklahoma City Police Dept. (Whetsel) is working there way to run all of Oklahoma and everyone will be in trouble then. And for the people that move back to oklahoma must be retired people. This is a bass ackwards state and very hypocritical politicians and law. I grew up in this state but not proud anymore, nothing left. Sure don't trust the law, judicial system, and I don't help the fraternal order of police anymore, my family is done with all of it.
You know, Anonymous who is not I, if you want to call me--as well as the rest of us posting--drama queens, think about this:
What about the Yukon, Oklahomo, police officer scandal of 2005? FIVE members of "Yukon's Finest" resigned, were fired, or were suspended after the officers did unholy things with a woman at a Conoco station in the town.
She even considered legal action.
http://bubbaworld.com/yukonpd.html
Now you want to call us "drama queens"?
You Okies are unbelievably and blindly ignorant by your own state's horrid truths.
Bunch of cry babies. Let me let you in on a secret. Every state sucks, period. But blaming Oklahoma for shit that happens everywhere makes you jokers the biggest whiners of American culture.
And to arrogantly assume that "white" people in Oklahoma have little interest in minorities? Well fuck so much for all of the support "white inbreds" in Oklahoma City gave to businesses owned and operated by minorities in the Asian district, Capitol Hill (hispanic) and Deep Deuce (african).
This is no longer the country of my birth. People weren't so hateful in those days.
Chris, your argument probably has never been tested in the other 49 OR D.C., period, END OF SENTENCE. The town where I went to high school, Retardtown, USA, (Mustang, OK, if you're wondering; I refer to it as such because of the high percentage of retards in the town and the state) was a MIND RAPE for me. Wusserford, where SWOSU is, is almost as bad. The profs there are SCHMUCKS who don't give a flip about research. The students are, quoting Lilith (see above), "morons, interbred from brother's and sister [sic]," and that town is basically dying as soon as oil reaches $20/barrel. I'm serious, Chris, if you haven't been to Oklahoma, you shouldn't refute the arguments of those who have SUFFERED HERE.
quit whining. at least it's not Idaho. we have a native american shooting a bow and arrow on our license plate. they have stuff about potatoes....
and btw ur pretty stupid to not have brought any money with you. tolls happen.
I think its odd for an adult to not have cash on hand for the toll. or for any emergency really. But that may just be my years living in Tokyo where yea its a very advance city to liv ein (not as advanced as Shanghai) but its very much a cash society. But Oklahoma does suck. I currently goto school at OU. But I am moving back to Japan pretty soon. To work and save up, and will be going to graduate school in Utrecht.
The toll stupidity is the least of their problems. Oklahoma is the biggest shit hole on the planet.
I think the article was written basically in anger directed towards the law enforcement in this state. Having lived here all my life, I can attest to how crooked and corrrupt this state is when it comes to the area of law enforcement and the state of the turnpikes and other roadways here. We have terrible roads, but yet we pay a fee for all those that either take us out of the state or allow us to traverse the countryside to the next major city. On top of that, the OHP is the henchmen of the legislature here, doling out tickets to every motorist they encounter whether or not they are justified or not. The OHP has long been a black eye for this state and their website is humorous in the fact that there is no email contact for anyone to tell them just what we think of them. They KNOW how bad they are hated and they all drive around with their sungalsses on and smirking while shoe horning their size 42 wastes into size 36 pants. Thier theory is, if you get one ticket, you should then get about 5 more in rapid succession. I am a cancer patient and also a physician. Neither of those circumstances has ever gotten me a warning in cases where I have been pulled over while responding to calls from the hospital or taking myself to the ER after I have had an episode with my current health that has required to me to that very thing. I once had an OHP officer chase me all the way to the hospital and draw his gun on me while I was racing to take a woman to c-section. I am one of those that speaks his mind and does not back down from tyranny and the OHP is specifically that. I am now known to them and I get harrassed on a monthly basis, which has in turn made me seek counsel and battle the OHP in court. The OTA and OHP have a strangle hold on this state and I am sure that in years to come more of these battles will occur more and more.
The OHP is the biggest pile of shit quite honestly. Their website talks of "fallen heros".....lol. Most of those heroes died because they walked out in front of a moving car on the interstate and got their stupid ass smashed. I feel a comment about social Darwinism surfacing in my brain....lol
I just added your blog site to my blogroll, I pray you would give some thought to doing the same.
Yeah, I once got a ticket for driving 55 in a 55 zone in Luther, OK. In fact, I got three tickets during the one year I lived in OK. That's more than I'd had ever received in my prior 20 years of driving.
Yep, glad to be gone.
Oklahoma is the worst place in the country. I grew up there and can tell you, it's not worth picking through the toothless trailer trash to find the one or two cool people. I see several people defending the state, they are likely among the toothless trailer trash. Do yourself a favor, drive through Texas. At least there you'll find the occasional oasis that qualifies as a major city.
I actually just wrote an article about this, check it out:
http://www.examiner.com/pop-culture-in-oklahoma-city/is-oklahoma-a-cultural-wasteland-or-budding-oasis
Good Lord this is absolutely correct. I searched "Oklahoma sucks" on Google and this was the second result, after some article about OU, which I hate as well. I've been stationed here for 8 months and I hate this Godforsaken expanse of useless prairie land. The people here are all fat, ignorant, socially backwards, and unwilling to accept anything different than what they're used to. I really do hope that one day a massive tornado and huge earthquake join forces and swallow up this horrible excuse for a state so that no one else ever has to come here and experience the hell that I've been through.
I was born here. God granted me the privilege of leaving at the age of six months. I came to visit family a lot but 5 years ago in 2006, I came to be with my mother who was passing. She HAD to be in these hills so I honored her wishes. I have been screwed by the real estate company, The real estate Board, lawyers, trash companies but am even more appalled at this RELIGIOUS state with the following statistics: Number ONE in the murder of infants, seven in obesity, national stats for death per 100,000 is 700, but in Oklahoma is 950, murder rate in Tulsa is 7th per capita in the nation. I could go on an on and on. I am leaving this state soon and hope to never return. Thank God for welfare because most of this state sucks off the government. The blacks are treated as they were in the 50's. There is a God but Jesus also said, not everyone who calls my name is going to "Heaven" or whatever. Just one last statement-these people are the most uncaring, unloving, non-productive, self-righteous, scared people I have ever met so your religion is not working folks. Get real.
I have lived in this state my entire life, and can truly say it is as bad a place to live as any. I abhore this state, and the corrupt judicial system that it houses. The state as a whole is an ugly desolate place filled with arrogant redneck bigots. The radio stations even suck! The people in the Oklahoma legislature are more concerned with telling women what to do with their bodies then balancing the states budget or giving small business tax incentives. I would not advise anyone to come here on vacation, or even pass through this state, our excuse of highway patrolmen would love nothing more than to write you a ticket.
Oklahomans are so self righteous! They believe that their supposed christian beliefs allow them to hate the gay population. Doesnt Christ teach us to love one another, no matter what? Anyone who claims to be a Christian, but cannot accept a gay peron, is a hypocrit!!!!!
OH YEAH! Just leaving Tulsa and googled Oklahoma Sucks and got tons of results, including this. Lol. It is just urban sprawl gone wrong. If you really want to cement your distaste for OK, visit the craptastic Oklahoma Aquarium. Just awful.
I forgot to add that I am leaving with THREE dings in my car window from the horrible roads. Who is running this place? The bridges look like they will collapse at any moment.
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