Thursday, September 27, 2007

I remember

I remember waking up late that day.

It was one ofthose clear blue and cool days where I could probably have seen for mile if I was not glued to the grey dashboard in front of me.

I don't know why lot of things happened that morning. Why we took my car, but I did not drive. Why I was running so late or even why I decided to go by myself rather than with the rest of the team.

Maybe we were meeting downtown? Maybe it was an effrot to get focused.

All I do rememeber is wanting to throw up as my mom drove at lightening speed down I-70.

It was the last time I really felt that jumpy, that anxious about anything. I was making myself sick I was so nervous.

My high school team had clamoured from the bottom of the heap to the final rounds in the state mock trail torunament. I know, not really something to many kids get excited about, but it was what I was dreading at that moment.

I still have the clear image of me sitting there watching as we round the Benton Curve and the city came into full view.

"Just think, if you become a lawyer you can feel this way everyday," she said.

I remember hearing that but not really understanding it.

It makes perfecty sence now.

Saturday I will be embarking on this pointless voyage of taking the LSAT. Another test that will determine whether I measure up to their standards or not. I am hedging my bets and saying the latter.

Although I have no idea how well this thing will go Saturday morning, I do know that for the past couple of day that creeping, anxious feeling has returned to the pit of my stomach.

My head is again locked on my shoes focusing so I do not throw up the last bit of hope I have inside me.

Only this time no one will be there to drive me to the courtroom if I am running late.

It's an odd thought to have this week.

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