There has been one and only one reality television show that I have cared about — and that involved an English chef screaming obscenities for two hours each week.
But tonight, in my endless quest to watch the shittiest television humanly possible, I think I found a new way to waste away my life on reality TV.
Yes, simpletons, a reality show about women's golf: The Big Break
The whole premise is that the viewer subjects themselves to a hour long episode where several ladies duke it out on the golf course...
I'll give you a second to wipe off the vomit that might have escaped your mouth as you read that.
Oh, did I mention they are all FREAKING HOTT?
Yes, smoking-hot golf girls is something I am more than willing to watch on basic cable on a Tuesday night.
This girl wielding an ass-chompingly huge driver is Cirbie Sheppard. She dresses for each competition as if she might suddenly be whisked away to some rave or goth three way there on the shores of Hawaii. She also refuses to wear shoes, unless told to by producers, which unnerves her other (read: less attractive) competitors.
(This is where I had a few paragraphs of what I really thought of women's sport as a whole. But I was luckily reminded — thank you, Facebook chat — that not only are a majority of my readers female, but also leaving this section up could actually impugn my ability to get with said majority lady population. Regardless, I think its worthless on many fronts. Fundamentals my ass.)
I think the whole show can be summed up by its major sponsor: Waste Management. That is right, kiddos, the company that picks up and hauls trash is sponsoring this show. Not beer, not cola, not shoes. A garbage company.
For a show I will probably watch on mute, Waste Management's sponsorship seems fitting.