Friday, October 03, 2008

Dear Abby

My Dad is awful when it comes to giving relationship advice. And we are not just talking awful like those bumbling sitcom dads who mumble their way through the birds and the bees...

Oh no, my Dad is just an Ass.

Along with his his years of bitter contempt for the world, he likes to wrap his passive aggressive advice hate into little balls of bile that manage to reveal he still has issues.

On women: "Just remember, women are the tool of the devil..."

"Everything a woman tells you is a lie or an attempt to get something from you."

These, of course, would become my mantras for life at the young age of 14. But more recently, as I revealed that I was moving to NYC with the girlfriend, he once again proves that some of the best advice can only from from Dad:

"It sounds like it will be fun. That is until she kicks you out on your ass, but you are young, you'll recover quickly..."

Thanks Dad!

Patrick and Eugene - The Birds and the Bees

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