Saturday, August 30, 2008

KCPDuh


Police Chief Jim Corwin and Prosecutor Jim Kanatzar in front of the Mystery Machine

Today's press conference was supposed to prove that the city was working for residents. It was supposed to show how police, politicians and city officials were FINALLY getting their shit together to fight crime after a record 83 people have been murdered.

Instead what we got was the same story that has been told over and over ever since this Police Chief took control of the city.

We are not even going to go into how irritated this city should be that the Mayor continues to push his inept idea of throwing $25,000 parties in ghetto neighborhoods to supposedly "bring attention to their blight." We are not even going to go into how for two hours this week, he accused us of "not getting" his grand vision of redevelopment — oh, I get it, and its terrible.

Instead I want to focus on the plan that was hatched from what I can only assume is the Keystone Cops-style top brass at KCPD.

Already Corwin shafted the city this year when he blundered through the budget process and failed to live up to his promise of hiring new cops.

But today, Corwin completely turned his back on the lowly neighborhoods that put him into power. Flustered by the sudden attention that half a dozen murders in one week can bring, Corwin had to show something to irate residents and unfortunately, even his plan was more of the same.

Corwin has proposed to take cops, who are already overworked and underpaid, and double their duties to help solve the already committed crimes. There was NOTHING mentioned about how to stop these kids from shooting one another. But why think about that when the Mayor has a party to plan next weekend?

Under the Cheif's plan, which he unveiled this morning using murder # 82 and #83 as his backdrop, Corwin will now be asking officers from the property crime unit, vice, SWAT and elsewhere to start picking up duties in the Homicide unit — and he is doing all of this without hiring new cops or offering more pay to those officers.

"We are calling it a reassignment, but we are not reassigning any officers," he said. Um, What?

When asked directly how many officers would be needed to help solve the 83 murders in the city limits - 46 of which have not even been solved - he choked up and seemed confused even to how his own plan would work. He quickly ducked the two reporters and used his spokesman to dig him out of the hole he created.

He then accused reporters of not doing their homework and seemed even quietly blame the press for his own awful performance this morning.

Heat is on now. If those cases don't get closed by the end of the year, then this city will tear itself apart trying to remove Corwin and Funk.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Round-ups blow

It's been a crazy couple of days and my brain has not been in the right place to dance like a fool for you fuck-bags.*

So, I offer you a round up of some of the things from this week's Reader:
I caught the Obama speech this evening and all I could think was... zzzzzzzz....

Also, McCain hates puppies...and rainbows.

Republicans are now terrified of hurricanes with names that sound like that transvestite friend you know from college...

In the unending pursuit to convince me to head to The Empire State, I got this dropped in my inbox today.

————————————————————

The funeral for my grandfather this week turned out to actually be an interesting event. I happened to run into a relative that I, for some reason, thought had died a few years ago.

Back in the old divorce days of the 90's, my Dad's side of the family also went through some rough split ups (read: crazy aunt left cool uncle). This effectively cut us off from the one relative on that side of the family that had quite the personality.

The whole family changed after that. We never heard from the Cool Uncle or how his life was going until a few years ago we hear he contracted terminal cancer. We brought it up once at a family function and someone said death was looming as the cancer had gotten worse.

That, again, was several years ago.

When someone tells you a favorite relative has Terminal Cancer and then never speaks about the person again, you assume the worst.

So it was a shocking revelation to see this man walk into the funeral looking like the only thing wrong with him was his hideous tan suit he chose for the occasion.

"Hey, long time no see, man. So where is the bar?" is how he re-introduced himself.
"I thought you died," I said, fucking conventional wisdom and social graces as I stared at him.
"Yeah, almost. Eh, what can you do? So, how have you been?"

Sonofabitch.
——————————————————

* Fuck-bags has become the new term 'round these parts. Seems to hit people with a double wammy of insult. Little too close to Funbags, a great term in and of itself and, of course, you get to shout Fuck each time.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

"I don't think that is...oh hell, you never listen to me anyway."

It's never good to reveal personal news when it comes to the blog-nation of WW. In fact, it is down right inappropriate.

But since when has this foul oasis of rational thought ever toed the line of manners and grace?

My grandfather on my Dad's side of the family died this past weekend. It seems cruel to say it was amazing he made it this long, but with several terrible bouts of emphysema and lung cancer after decades of smoking, he was working with pure will power alone to breathing through the summer humidity and heat here at .

During the last 15 years we had kind of drifted a part due to several reasons and other random acts of insanity. Either way this whole week makes for terrible writing and even worse mood swings that puts everyone on edge when you bring it up.

Anyway, when I came across this story about the bizarre Will left behind by a Brooklyn couple, I for some reason, could not stop imagining that my grandfather would probably do the same thing — that is if my humorless lawyer father did not get a hold of it first.

He was the only person I knew would could make me blush in public as he would make slightly derogatory comments to the waitresses at Bob Evans. Olds; they will never know how inapproprite they really are.

"To my shifty eldest grandson: you know those little glass cats I collected in the basement? Yep, you get 'em. May they creep you out for all eternity. lolz, pwned!"

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Kids are not alright



Day two of the Democratic Convention. Day two of me wishing it was still the Olympics — or at least College Football season.

But it also is day two of some of the most outlandish and inane blogging from journalists in Denver. Newspapers might be dying, but the blog-everything-and-anything tactic is not going to be the single savior for all print journalist. Hell, The New York Times even reports that kids, while online, aren't even reading blogs. Well, except for the WW here.

We are all doomed.

Lolz, Northeast, no internetz for yous

For some reason whole chunks of Northeast Kansas City have been without internet and phone service for the past few days.

AT&T has really fucked us this week as they now tell us it could take a week or more to send someone out to see what the problem is. Anyway, this means my usual blather and diatribes got sidetracked yesterday — and I had some pretty good stuff to share with the slack masses that flock to this cum dumpster of thought.

To wit:
This story is a little late — but let's hope that Olympic gymnast you diddled in Beijing is not. Group hoop anyone?

— The Lego Guy celebrated his 30th Birthday. But what is really cool is Gizmodo's video of the factory that churns out this little yellow bastards.


— I'm still laughing at this — even if it is several months old.

— And finally, everyone who is in my Fantasy Football League are a bunch of no talent ass-hats and fuck-bags. Well, mainly the commissioner...

Yeah, I dare you post a reply here. Let's see what kind of juevos you got now.

pwned!

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Air (mother-fucking) Show

Across the aisle from me

Say what you will, I love the air show. The girlfriend had never been privy to such a deceleration of Boys and their Toys.

To make up for the years of lost opportunities to see jet airplanes and rocket-powered things (not to mention an ungodly array of Patriotic ass-kicking music) I took her up in one of said air planes to watch the U.S. Army's Golden Knights jump out of a perfectly good plane at 12,500 feet in the air.

Not a bad view

Keep in mind, to accommodate the jumpers, the Army's plane has two giant open doors at the back of the plane that never close. From take off to landing, I could dangle my legs out the back of the plane.

Getting the window seat with these guys is actually a little dangerous.

He really wanted that exit row seat

After the crew evacuated the plane, the pilot then pointed the nose of the plane directly down and sent us into a controlled spin toward the ground (i.e. Death Spiral). He seemed to be trying to race the jumpers to the airport below.

At one point I asked the captian to level the plane out for a few seconds otherwise I might have lost my crackers. And with two gaping open windows at the back, said crackers would have ended up all over the place. The captain was more than happy to oblige.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Hard pills to swallow


Reading trade magazines and blogs about the current state of journalism is like glancing through the obituary pages.

"Abandon hope all ye who enter here."

Our own KC Star has even begun a steady march of attrition with cut backs, buyouts and goat slaughters to the j-gods to save the paper. Now this week they announced that they are bugging out of the suburbs as they pull back their zoned editions from JoCo and elsewhere — the area the paper seemed to actually make money.

But before we break out Taps for the funeral march that The Star and others seem to be planning for themselves, someone really needs to begin questioning; "Is it really that bad for print?"

One grad student, using data from a Philly paper, formerly owned by Knight-Ridder, who used to own The Star, says that as staff cuts and the gnashing of teeth in newsrooms have continued for the last decade profit margins continue to increase.

Money quote:

"It’s pretty clear that, throughout the course of this dataset, profit margins at PNI (the name for the Philly subdivision under Knight-Ridder) were anywhere between 9 percent (in 1995) and as high as the upper teens to low 20percent-area by the early 2000s. So … even while circulation and staff were dropping, and even as the challenge posed by the world wide web loomed on the horizon, profits got bigger and bigger."

And newspapers, he argues along with every other literate person in the world, have not changed this way of thinking, even as the internet has...well...you know.

Maybe his assessment is a few years to late — blaming most, if not all, of their current downfall on inaction to get with the program when it comes to the net. Still, even with the eye balls (supposedly in the millions each day) The Star still hosts one of the worst Web sites in the Midwest. In my time there I offered to help, but was told no as higher powers had better plans, which, for most newspaper in this country, we have yet to see. Lord knows my own professional internet project has taken me more than a year to get off the ground.

Maybe this explains why newspaper executives are just getting more bi-polar as they cry and moan about cuts one day and then boast and thump their chests at the amount of money brought in through their millions of internet readers through side projects.

But what is interesting is how this report also says that executives hope that so long as the profit margins are astronomically high, then the rest of the company, from the top down, will win.

Reganomics? And how did that work out for us? We still seem to be cutting and chopping here. But the papers still make money.

Really when McClatchy or any newspaper company executives cry about loss of profits and declining ad revenue, it really only means they will now have to settle for the 150-foot yacht rather than the 300-foot one.

Print is not dying a slow death because of neglect, its dying a slow death as those on top chip away and sell the parts.

Pruitt, I blame you.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Outside my window, Vol II

Speaking of cake; this I think should go to the guy who was breaking up with his girlfriend outside my apartment building last week (not to mention the another girl who almost jumped off the top floor that same night — but that is another story).


The girl managed to keep her voice down at 4 a.m. as she was being dumped on the doorstep by this loud doofer. He, on the other hand, insisted on shouting, "I am a grown-ass man and I don't need you." He did this, not once, not twice, not six times; no, by my count, which started about halfway through his rant, left me with him berating this girl 15 time saying he was a grown-ass-man.

But really, you move the hyphen one spot and then the break up makes much more sense.

"I'm a grown ass-man..." heh!

We all have those days.

E-mail advertising is nothing new. how else would I know about how inadequate I was and how massive my debt problem had gotten without being reminded 3 billion times a day by some South African investor looking to unload unclaimed gold.

(The check is in the mail, Shaka Kan, I swear!)

Still, the folks over at Flying Dog Brewery really take the cake each month with their own brand of e-mail blasting, which is less spam, more event calender and art features.

This month's got my attention as it offered one hell of a glimpse into what I believe will be my future self:


From Flying Dog
"Nick remembered everybody’s name who had been to La Cocina at least twice, and we were there at least twice a month. I offered to buy this large painting at every visit, and Nick’s answer was always, “Never.” When Nick retired I tried one more time and the answer was, “I’m giving it to the artist’s granddaughter and you may make a photocopy.” The appeal to me, as it was to anybody else who took a long look was, “Man, I’ve felt exactly like that.” And just what is that feeling of going down to the creek at dusk, alone, and with a bottle of tequila? To take a swig, and another, maybe down to the bottom before returning to whatever awaits one at the end of dusk? My grand daughter pointed at me and said “goo goo,” and so I came to be called. My son said “Send bail,” and the young mother with cancer got the teacher of the year award. And my wife of these many years, she kneels now every day for hours before her shrine to St. Finbarr - yet still there’s pleasure. I grieve that grief can teach me nothing. R.W. Emerson

I'll pour one out for you Flying Dog. It seems like it has been a rough month for you.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Where is my draft notice?

This awesome instructional video comes from the local Kickball Association via TKC and Amnewsboy.


Kickball 101 - Strike Zone from Troy Diggs on Vimeo.

What really chaps my ass here is that KC has had an official adult kick ball association and I am just now getting word. Where were these guys when our lovable band of ballers won the Northeast Kick Ball Tournament?

The Newshounds foisting the tournament trophy

And who was it that we beat in that final game — oh, that's right, FBI Agents from Overland Park. Agents who tired to pick a fight with several out-of-shape journalists and some high school kids. We also put the smack down on officials from the City Council's offices and the Mayor's office that day. Goes to show that even on the kickball field your government will fail you.

WW, its time to get in gear and get hooked up with this WAKA — or maybe I will sit by the telephone awaiting their call.

"Bring in the lefty..."

Monday, August 18, 2008

Mr. Big Time

We have always flown under the radar here at WW with a small select audience of slack-jawed drunkards and failed freaks.

Part of that was becasue I was too lazy to actually promote this god-awful place , the second was because well, who really reads this anyway besides my Mom?

Seems like one of KC's most prolific bloggers checks in on us now...

From TKC Monday.

You should check his news/opinion/naked lady site out, which he runs from the basement of his Mother's home in KC. In honor of Tony, I offer my own photo of a half naked white woman.

Yes, that is a Nintendo Controller she is wearing. No, I do not plan on ending my shameless rip of stuff from Gizmodo.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

If hipsters cried...

The hipster-approved PBR can is being blasted into oblivion with a hollow-point bullet. The slow motion photography is from Gizmodo. At this point the sound you might here is the wailing and gnashing of teeth of countless Hipsters...that is, you know, if they cared to show any emotion.

The most delicious collection ever


I dare you not to enjoy this.
The man has been collecting condiment packets since 2003 and has amassed several hundred perfectly preserved condiments. And he does not just limit it to Ketchup — delicious, delicious Ketchup.

Oh no, all condiments are equally represented. Even a Chester Cheeto's condiment — crazy Canadians.

Reminds me of two weeks ago when the New Roommate moved in. She was looking through the fridge and noticed I only had a 32 oz. (2 lbs) bottle of the amazing Ketchup stuff.

"This is not going to be a enough for us this week. I'll get more when I go out for booze."

Yes!

Legos rock

Unlike the rest of the country, I am not hiding my Michael Phelps Boner under the waistband of my sweat pants.

Even Lego lovers get in on some of the action.

Friday, August 15, 2008

I need an adult!

In a move that can only be described as purely evil, I forced my roommates to watch seven hours of straight Olympic coverage. But if there was ever a night to watch NBC's wall-to-wall coverage, it was Thursday night.

Olympic swimming and gymnastics...

Um, what? Men in spandex splashing around in the water and 16-year-old girls (save for the 12-year-old Chinese girls) writhing and bouncing on the main stage? Yes. Cue music and enter Chris Hassen.

If nothing, else you can at least judge who the real athletes are by which ones have their own Butter Bust on display. God Bless America.

Outside of the gymnastic play-by-play announcers — one of which you could tell wanted nothing more than to be elsewhere calling something more manly — the best part of the night came when Bella Karolyi watched Nastasia during her final floor exercise. After seeing his expression, you half expect him to carry Costas off the stage in his arms after this outburst.



Brilliant.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

LMAO! HAHAHAHAHAHA LOL! :D OMG!!!1!!

We promote one Star Columnist for his obvious skill, talent and ability to prove his worth to society and then get this dropped in our laps today from BottomLine: Hearn Christopher wants to be taken seriosuly.

I'll give you a moment to either stop laughing and clean up the little pit of pee that might have escaped in said fit of laughter.

Granted, I find all columnists to be worthless, but HC really takes the cake when it comes to pointless paycheck grabbing at the Old Paragraph Factory. Remember that stunning expose he did on what local bar owners got for Christmas ... oh, you don't? Neither does the rest of the literate America.

In my few run ins with the man, while he was playing journalist at one local bar, I have to say I acted as the utmost of professional drunk as I shouted he was worthless from across the room and then ducked behind the jukebox.

You can hear the drivel that is HC here.

I (heart) Posnanski

Joe Posnanski at the Old Paragraph Factory is amazing. If I could write sports like this guy, I think I would be set for life. Of, course how his counterpart, Jason Whitlock, still pulls down a six-figure paycheck despite layoffs and cutback...well, that is a different story for another drunken rant.

Posnanski posts this today from Beijing - A Slam Dunk about Coach K being a dick.

Posnanski, of course, was also at the Olympics when then U.S. Basketball team performed like a bunch of third-grade girls and called them out on it.

I can't find the article anywhere on the internet (and The Star wants to charge me 5 bucks just to read it online). So, until I get to the Library you will have to deal with what I remember from the end of that article... from four years ago...

"I watched the rest of the game without the help of a translator on play-by-play. But, really, in any language you can recognize when someone is giving a eulogy."
— Me channeling the spirit of Posnanski

Red Bird Nation gets wind — and Clark finally commits

UPDATE: It took The Star all freaking day to get this... But then again, when you out sourse your news to India, you got to expect some delay in the time difference.

UPDATE: Justin Clark, the second half of the Hardwood Dynamic Duo has committed to Illinois State. Again, no smiles from either new player.

Really, would a smile kill you? This a good thing, right; not a funeral.

The Pantagraph weighs in on the verbal commitment(s). Although most of it is a rehash of stats and what has already been out there in the Star and Examiner.

Oh but don't think that Jon (and Justin) is the only one getting ready. Seems the family is also quite excited — and rightly so.

This one we found on the Schultz Party blog of Jon taking the rock from an early age.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

A sucker is born every second

What really baffles me about this story is that nobody reporting it has made even one iota of an attempt at a Spaceballs joke.

Seriously, not even a Helmet reference ... maybe just a little one? Even the faux-hipster Gothamist is letting me down here in their lack of effort.

Rich people will buy/believe just about anything if you tell them its healthy.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Guess it's time to buy Red Bird gear

The fan boards took a while to get going, but it looks like this actually caught them by surprise, too.

UPDATE: The Independence Examiner proves it really is only good for sports.

UPDATE2: The Kansas City Star ... well, I wouldn't be surprised if this had been written by some guy in India.

UPDATE3: The Pantagraph finally gets word.
Just remember, you heard it here first.

Julie Scheidegger/Examiner
————————————————————

It's official, blogger nation, Jon Ekey has verbally committed to Illinois State.

He will soon be a Red Bird!
I have been a horrible fan this summer as he bounced around the nation competing in game after game — but I blame that on my crappy office job more than anything. Last summer we managed to hit just about all of the major tournaments and get to most of the High School games.

Hopefully by the time he tips off in Normal-Bloomington, I will either be working for myself or ready and willing to take on my gun-wielding boss to request vacation time each night he plays.



It's research time now.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Was I just Rick Rolled?

Oh no, you were Barack Rolled!



From Gawker via Matt
Some evenings I fancy myself a real photographer. Other days it's just a crap shoot. Shot from the window of my apartment toward the power plant.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Won't somebody think of the children?!

Gothamist
John Edwards was a fan favorite for the Weekly when he ran for president the first time around — which then landed him as VP for Candidate Kerry.

He was still the apple of many folks eye here as he kept up his campaign for poverty, education and other issues after he left the Senate. Even as recently as last month, several Obama supporters said they were turned off with their own Messiah Democrat becasue he was not more closely embracing Edwards and his platform issues.

Maybe now that was not such a bad move, eh?

Following several articles from the National Enquirer and even our own local TKC about supposed love/bat children Edwards has been outed as a philanderer.

Gasp and egads! Moral outrage! Summon the religious leaders and counselors to weigh in on this one!

Well, I'd still vote for the guy if given the chance.

I am not going to play naive and pretend that sexual behavior does not play into the uninformed voter's decision. Is he a bad husband, maybe. Is he a bad politician, not at all. Sure, you get your Larry Craigs who rant and rail about how gays are evil and then expects us to buy that his "wide stance" in a public bathroom is completely normal way to take a poop.

Or the Missouri Republicans who harp about sending all pedophiles to the Chair for keeping kiddie-porn and then hire the same people who run those perverted Web sites.

That is something that makes you stop and wonder just what they are advocating for on the floor of the legislature when they push their own moral agenda. But Edwards never made any major moral stand in the Senate or attempted to force some kind of agenda while he was off with this woman who is described as a "drunk cougar."

He did his job and he did it well and kept getting elected to do said job. I am not going to rant and say that Thomas Jefferson, JKF, and Bill Clinton has a slew of affairs and everyone still seems to love them as some of the great American leaders...oh wait.

Anyway. We all need to have a collective unbunching of our panties and stop worrying about what butterfly ballot Edwards is punching — let's hope he did not leave a hanging, or worse, Pregnant Chad; that kid might actually be his...

Friday, August 08, 2008

Econ 101

A statistical cost-benefit analysis corresponding to the natural trade-off limitation:
A.K.A: I want both an iPhone and Lego Taj Mahal but can't afford both.
It's math!


What: The iPhone
Cost: $200
Notes: Because the next time my brothers ask me what movie Shai LeBoufe is filming right now, I want to whip this sonofabitch out and look it up instantly. Need to know what article of the Constitution dictates the rules on who can be VPOTUS? iPhone. Want to know what VPOTUS means?

Really, iPhone is the answer to every question you have never been smart enough to ask in the past. Hell, I bet if i find the the mod and a Flux Capacitor, I could make it travel thorough time to tell myself the questions I need to ask only to have it answered by my new iTARDIS/Phone.

What: Taj Mahal Lego set
Cost: $299
Why: Because what better way to honor and respect one of India's most treasured architectural wonders than by turning it into Legos. This 5,922-piece set transcends the usual play sets and really is a blasted work of art — that is until the dog knocks it off the table a week after you sweat through its construction.

With that many pieces, rumors have it that it is actually larger than the Death Star model Lego just came out with that is 3,4000 pieces. The Taj will be available sometime in October — just in time for Christmas, eh, eh?


Pitch Music Showcase

One of these days The Pitch is going to wise up and stop trying to be an alt-news rag. They will eventually just embrace the fact that the only thing they they do really well: Local Music.

The same week they throw a hell of a music showcase they also feature one of the most talented bands still haunting Kansas City, The Pedaljets.

Ah, but this is not about the horrible reign the Village Voice has over the paper. Rather, last night's Pitch Music Showcase proved once again that Kansas City does have a viable music scene that hosts a number of great bands that just need that last push of support from the city to make it. With 34 bands from across Kansas City and Lawrence you have to wonder why we keep getting snubbed by the music industry or why Nebraska seems to keep stealing our thunder.

We started our night at McCoys visiting a friend we knew from Harry's who fronts The Last Call Girls. This country bad has all the twang of a Toby Kieth or Garth Brooks ensemble mixed in with some angry-chick rock.

New country has never really been my thing but these girls write a catchy chorus and match it a hook that makes even me want to sing along — even if the lyrics are about ditching that awful boyfriend for his cheatin' ways.

But my favorite of the night was new group out of Lawrence, Noise FM, which, for being a new band, had an incredible ability to harmonize their vocals and coordinate six instruments among the three guys — two of which are brothers.

Down the street at the Beaumont, the ACBs played for a half-packed house as they ripped through their set that was just shy of a dozen songs. When the crowd started chanting for "One more song," front man Konor Ervin had to bashfully tell everyone there, "We don't have anymore."

Although the 1,000 capacity Beaumont only had about 100 people watching the ACBs, they definitely drew the largest crowd from the entire showcase that we saw — which also included a super-short set from Abacadabra.

For a better take on this rocking Thursday night Showcase (and great photos, too) check out the newly launched Lush Life Kansas City.

ACBs/Johnson (comma) L

Not the sharpest hammer in the Tool Shed

From the Scoot Utopia

How this place has not fallen over on itself or been the scene of a major crime until now is beyond me.

A gunman opened fire outside a Kansas City tavern Thursday night, wounding three people before being disarmed by a bystander.

Police said the gunman opened fire at the Tool Shed bar at U.S. 40 and Phelps Road in extreme eastern Kansas City around 8:40 p.m.

Two of the victims were taken to a hospital, Kansas City police Capt. Mike Perne said. One was in critical but stable condition. Another suffered serious injuries. A third person suffered minor injuries and was treated at the scene.

— The Kansas City Star

Positioned in essential a No-Man-Land of crappy East KC and a perpetually dying Southwest Independence, this place always seemed to cater more to the folks at the half-way house/squatters apartments at the Hyline Inn.

I have only been to the Tool Shed once in my life and it was with the same man who uses strippers as his own Garmin. Seriously, how did I live this long?

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Batton down the hatches!

UPDATE: Dag, world. Looks like the brains of the operation decided to delay this thing until Sept. 10. Consider this your last warning. Now get to looting!

———————————————

Gizmodo once again proves it is the greatest Web site covering everything technology — and space, cars, Legos, Swedish sex preferences, etc.

Today, Giz says, marks the last 24 hours of existence for Earth. Scientists in France are preparing to fire up their new Large Hadron Collider toy and discover where we all came from — by destroying every atom. The goal, I think, is to prove several missing links in several major Physic's theories. If I had gotten beyond biology in High School this all might make more sense.

All I do know is that some fairly prominent science-like folks say this could backfire and spell the end of the world as it will create a black hole sucking us all into another dimensions (Oh, please let it be one with Hover Boards).

Still, its pretty damned cool.

Our Lord and Savior over at Gizmodo, Jesus Diaz, even warns everyone to duck and cover with our own Bucket Lists — and a busty lady — before those jerk scientists flip the switch and reduce us all to Space Dust.

I am no scientist but I think once the machine is activated it will look a lot like this:


Also, if you get a chance. The photos of the LHC prove that, in the end, our deaths will not come at the hands of some ghastly beast... Oh no ... It will come from one of the most gorgeous pieces of technology/Time Lord Companion.

With a name like Ekey, it's got to be good.

Family, be warned. I am coming for you.

If you were not already terrified of what could be found on the internet, then this might pique your interest/send you into fits of paranoia that will lead you to an electric free shack in Montana. Either way.

The New York Times does a decent write up of on new online project that has created one of the most comprehensive online criminal background searches for the public. Also...It's FREE!

Want to know how many DUIs Donald Ekey has? Three by this Web site's count. Did you know that in 1972 Joseph Ekey was arrested for drugs?

And the list goes on and on. The last name is a bit of an obscure one, but it still garners a large number of hits when you roll it through this Web site that pulls information from thousands of state and local records.

It even found my outstanding warrant in New York State — Yeah, I'm not linking to that.

Outside of terrorizing my own family with its own criminal record, this reinforces an idea I had for a book (OK, maybe just another awful blog post) not to long ago. Who wouldn't love to track down all those random family members and find out where they went.

I know one plays golf for Alabama. Another used to be a reporter and then turned to work for the government. We have a CEO for a Florida Zoo. And a another used to be a principal with principles.

Bottomline, we crazy. And one day one of us might actually write all about it.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Wednesday link

Melissa Lytle / St. Pete's

In any given day I probably read hundreds of news stories. Today, this one made me stop a bit from my own Google Reader.

Not only is it one of the most brilliantly written pieces, but it also seems to perfectly capture one seven-year-old little girl who does not even get quoted in the whole three part series...

My favorite part...

"The day Danielle was supposed to have her picture taken for the Heart Gallery, she showed up with red Kool-Aid dribbled down her new blouse. She hadn't yet mastered a sippy cup.

Garet White, Danielle's care manager, scrubbed the girl's shirt and washed her face. She brushed Danielle's bangs from her forehead and begged the photographer to please be patient.

White stepped behind the photographer and waved at Danielle. She put her thumbs in her ears and wiggled her hands, stuck out her tongue and rolled her eyes. Danielle didn't even blink.

White was about to give up when she heard a sound she'd never heard from Danielle. The child's eyes were still dull, apparently unseeing. But her mouth was open. She looked like she was trying to laugh.

Click."

The professional blog

“I want everyone off the Internet. Bloggers are filth. They need to be destroyed. Blogging gives the illusion of participation to a bunch of retards. . . . We need to put these people in the oven!”
— NY Times article

It's been a while since I have dumped anything here in this space for your entertainment; mostly because I have been having to play professional as the election circus rolled into town.

Our paper is designed and finished on Monday while the election rages on Tuesday.

This meant that as soon as our Wednesday Weekly hit the streets here in the fair area, we would already be irrelevant as we will not get results in before deadline. Thus, the blog becomes our news machine.

Even though we pretend to be in the news business and pride ourselves on fact and accuracy, I find with the blog I am much more comfortable to write about rumors I hear at the polling places or things that I have not yet verified. Maybe this is the problem with blogs as news sources, you don't really have to issue a correction, ever. You just correct the facts and re-post.

Oh crap, it almost sounds like I'm trying to be a professional here. By god, we will never accept that.

Here are a few of my favorites from the election day:

— My nemesis could get in trouble.

D'oh

— The battle of illegal signs continues.

— Not really Election Day, but it was a great photo with great comments.

The quote from above come from this great article from the NY Times about Trolls on the internet. Although it is really more about the people/pranks/assholes behind the computer screen, its also begs the greater question of what kind of cultures does the Internet actually breed.

It's awfully easy for me to post random rumors and unsubstantiated facts when nobody knows who I am, right?

Friday, August 01, 2008

Operation: Shower Pouf

To: Director, Ministry of Gonzo - Kansas City
From: Department of Security and enforcement
Re: Invasion of the Female persuasion!

First there were hair ties on the desk in May. A toothbrush on the sink. Then a pouf and shampoo left in the bathroom in June. Still, we were skeptical.

On-site officials have now come back with this proof, Director.

No, Ministry staff has not suddenly taken up cross dressing. Those high-heeled shoes and jewelry accessories in the closet are not the latest trend here in these deep downtown gallows.

Sir, we have reason to believe a Woman has moved into the Kansas City Ministry. And from the looks of it, she is here to stay.

Her continued occupation of this space, thus far, has no "time line" or "goals horizon" in the near future. Informants tell us she has been plotting this invasion for some time. Her intentions are not fully known and we know even less of her methods — although we suspect they are not necessarily hostile unless provoked.

Along with occupation of the Closet Providence we are getting sketchy reports from the Bathroom and Living Room fronts of similar "woman-like" paraphernalia being seen.

We have sent in our best agent to survey the situation and gather as much information as possible from the aforementioned Woman, aka: Girlfriend. We will keep you up to date as information becomes available.

Agent #5984-301
Security detail

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